They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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