were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
