remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Congratulations! We have a period
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize