apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
foreskin is a definite game changer
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
