i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
