Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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