When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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