we have pet lesbian snakes
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
