i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
