i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
