I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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