You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
