Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
