so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
