you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize