I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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