literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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