I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
