lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
