God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
