You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
