Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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