her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
