I'm really into asian looking animals
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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