No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
