he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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