I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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