is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
