its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
