i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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