Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
