Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
