i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
