I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
