when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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