so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
