you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize