glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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