you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
