Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
