THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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