dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
