I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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