a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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