the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
