did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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