My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
did i just pee glitter
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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