im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
