How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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