i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
