I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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