so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
