Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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