i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
