I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
