Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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