There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
