did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
