We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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