yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
