put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
