I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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