How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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