I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
