he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
did i just pee glitter
false alarm, still single
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