Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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