and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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