I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just made my gag reflex go away.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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