Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
