it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
