I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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