i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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