Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
