I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
